Dark and Twisted thoughts of a trubled mind

2003-09-07T10:02:00.000-06:00

I"M BACK!!!!! I feel so loved...ppl missed me...I wasn't even gone very long..oh well..I'm only back for a day anyway...

2003-09-02T16:21:00.000-06:00

as it says...I cant explain right now really cause I dont have time...But I wont be on for a while....

PPL CALL ME ON THE WEEKENDS!!!! I'll die without you guys *sighs* I'll explain as soon as I can...when I have time...I'm gonna sneak online as much as I can... I'm sooo sorry I wont be on...and I have a good reason to rant later...when I can sneak on for a longer time...for now...I have to run to my other boards and say the same thing...BYE BYE!!!! BTW...e-mail me ppl as well...I'll check those more often I think...someone (Ex. Krys..shelly...Colin...) somone who loves me LOL call me...on Sat...cause I have unlimited...BYE BYE ALL!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!

*hugs and kisses*

BTW want my number...E-mail me..or find a way to PM me or offline me ok?

2003-08-29T18:20:00.000-06:00

ok...wow...I'm a little too blog happy LOL...I have about 4 maby 5 now *laughs ass off*

2003-08-28T17:45:00.000-06:00

ok People piss me off!!!!!! like today at school...

we have two new vice princabls...and one of them (skunk dude) hates me...he hates everyone...
he's trying to arrest me for being gang related...
only cause I wear black alot....but I'm not...and he told me himself....that the only reason he hasn't already aressted me was cause of the siver cross that I never take off...*growls* He's trying to get me kicked out of school and I dont know why!!!! I'm not that bad a kid...Just gothic..and he's pregitice (sp?) ageinst Gothic's....*sighs* he says that if a group of ppl are walking down the hall together and they are all wearing black they could get arrested.... meaning me and ALL my friends are in danger of that ....*sighs* me is tired cause I had to run the mile in high heels cause of emerson (the teacher that was touching my ass) he made me run the mile in all black...and High heel boots soo I'll rant more later...

2003-08-26T16:01:00.000-06:00

COLIN BACK!!!!!!!*does super happy dance*

2003-08-25T16:22:00.000-06:00

sorry I haven't posted in a while...but life has been really down...I broke up with my GF and she took it a lilttle.....differnt...then I thought she would...aka she freaked.
I dont know what to do..she hurting me just as much as I hurt her only worst..
and on top of that....today was the first day of school *cries* pain...feet hurt..and I feel like a slut..I dont know why every one tells me I'm not...But I still think I am...I hate myself...I hate everything...but ppl love me...and at times I find myself returning the love...but I cant in a wolrd like this where you dont even really exist...love can get your hurt...even if it's not real I feel like shit and I dont even care what happens to me anymore..I mean things aren't real...so what will happen if I "die" will I go some where better...will nothing happen and I only leave behind the hurt of my loved ones..while I float...watching them hurt...wanting to come back..but unable to.
who know's? maby we all die...and are free..and much more happy...or maby we die and are tormented till it is time to come back to earth...kinda like the earth is a treat for being good about 2000 years...*sighs* I dont know...I dotn claim to know...all I do know...is what I belive...and I belive nothing is real...not even love...I used to belive in it...but now I dont...and I'm tired of hurting others and being hurt *shrugs* if we dont exist..why bother? why not free yourself...

2003-08-21T00:24:00.000-06:00

why am I such a mother fucking bitch...why cant I just fuck off and die...I cant fucking take this anymore...*cries* I just cant...I want to fucking die..*sobs* I just cant stand hurting others...I just cant fucking stand it...and I cant stand being hurt...fuck it all

2003-08-19T13:33:00.000-06:00

I am the worst friend ever...one of my friends is bothered by somethign and I cant do anything about it and I know I did somethign wrong *cries*

2003-08-19T00:41:00.000-06:00

ok....I dont know what to say....I think I'm just gonna say what ever is on my mind at the moment...

I suck..at life...at poetry...at everything I do...ppl think I'm sane...I'm not...I'm really not as well in the mind as ppl think...I dont exist...nothing does it all something our own mind creates to fool us to belive we are happy..but we're not...we never are..never

never is any human truely happy...I'm not human...but I still have some human in me to know this..it's true...in my little world the one I created this is true...all of it

so why do I bothing living in a exsitence that doesn't exsit? I really dont know...I have ppl that wont let me die...but what is dieing? I belive it is a realese...a feedom...an escape from this hell hole called Life...we all want to excape but we just cant no matter what we do we are stuck...for ever...why? cause we are too scared to free ourselves...or other are...

this is why I am still here...cause no one will let me free me self...give myself this freedom...why? this is one question I can not answer...

2003-08-18T18:33:00.000-06:00

wow...I think I should get a life :lol: what you you ppl think? or is my pathic exictence enough...

2003-08-18T18:28:00.000-06:00

http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/archives.php :D I love weebl...it keeps me sane....but am I ever sane? of am I always this weird ass fucked up kid I have always been?

2003-08-18T02:19:00.000-06:00

I love...I am loved...but do I know what love is? I mean really...or should I say..do I know what it's like to BE loved...

2003-08-18T02:12:00.000-06:00

am I always alone? why am I alone? why?

2003-08-18T00:31:00.000-06:00

ok I'm inlove..and just yesterday i was saying just how much this world sucks and all lol...but I still think it does no matter what....Love is Blind theres a reason why ppl say that...and I now know why...cause when you with the ppl you love you forget that the world is an illusion..cause Love IS real...scary thought huh? but yes Love is real..and so is hate...it's the ppl that dont exits...exept the ones you love...

2003-08-17T20:14:00.000-06:00

I am sooo happy I'm inlove...But shhhhhhhhh *giggles*

2003-08-17T07:21:00.000-06:00

I am as crazy as i think I am...or are there more ppl out there who are just as insane as me...

am I nuts for..I dont know..just living the way I do?

answer: Hell yes...I am crazy and I am nuts..but I wont change for anyone...no one can make me change...cause I was born this way...

2003-08-17T07:01:00.000-06:00

ok for a moment I'm gonna be very random lol...I am random...all the time but for the moment I'm sitting here singing Gothic Metal music at the top of my lungs...think I have problems? juist wait.......

*sings* sing once again with me...

2003-08-17T06:37:00.000-06:00

why dont I care? cause why should I? My purpose for living is to hurt those around me...so why care if I get hurt? I dont...and that's why....cause it doesn't matter if I get hurt...cause I deserve it...

2003-08-17T06:23:00.000-06:00

can I simply say I dont care? no I cant..I do care...I dont know why I do...but I do..I do care what ppl think...and I do care what happns...but I dont care about myself

2003-08-17T06:17:00.000-06:00

I never know what is real any more...
Everything is fake and no one and nothing is real...it's all an illusion...I make the Illusion..but it is still an Illusion none the less..reality doesn't exist....it doens't...nothing does...it's all fake..

2003-08-17T05:46:00.000-06:00

is what everyone sees in me...is it me...is it really the crime they see...or is it just an illusion set there by a tortured mind...Mine...

2003-08-17T05:43:00.000-06:00

I have friends...not many..but I have some...and I like them...and they like me...I just dont let friendship stand in the way though of doing what I have to...and that's when truble starts...when you start saying everyman for him/herself...and everyone doesn't know..well how could they...

2003-08-17T05:38:00.000-06:00

why does my mind work the way it does? why is it no matter what I do no matter where I go everyone stares?

2003-08-17T05:34:00.000-06:00

BLOGGER

2003-08-17T05:32:00.000-06:00

I have problems...I know this...I dont know why I dont get help..mabey i dont want help..Mabey I like being a freak...why doesnt any one understand?

2003-08-17T05:24:00.000-06:00

I gots a Blog...Finely..I have no clue what the hell I'm doing either LOL...I just though I would post something I dont know why...just felt like it *blink*